大作文怎么開(kāi)頭？劍橋官方雅思范文寫(xiě)法分析

例1：Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective? (C8T3T2)

學(xué)生習(xí)作開(kāi)頭:

In this day and age, the problem of traffic and pollution problems have became a headache to most countries in the world. Some people believe that we should increase the price of petrol to tacle the problem while others think that we can use other methods to solve it. From my own perspective, I am in favor of the latter view.

1. 該生的作文模板痕跡明顯，限制分?jǐn)?shù)

in this day and age/ the problem of….have become… some people believe while others think / from my own perspective, I am in favor of the latter view.這些表達(dá)都是典型的模板文字。針對(duì)模板的問(wèn)題，應(yīng)該辯證的來(lái)看待。如果是目標(biāo)分?jǐn)?shù)在5-5.5的同學(xué)，模板可以有效幫助減少真實(shí)寫(xiě)作字?jǐn)?shù)，厘清文章框架，幫助出分。

但是如果目標(biāo)分?jǐn)?shù)是5.5以上的同學(xué)，請(qǐng)果斷的拋棄模板，沒(méi)錯(cuò)，就像高考完以后拋棄所有的教科書(shū)和試卷一樣。因?yàn)槟０宓恼Z(yǔ)言都是千篇一律，只會(huì)讓考官覺(jué)得irritating。試想如果你是考官，在批卷的時(shí)候發(fā)現(xiàn)10個(gè)同學(xué)寫(xiě)的開(kāi)頭都是一樣的，再看到第十篇的時(shí)候會(huì)不會(huì)出現(xiàn)不適，何況考官其實(shí)每個(gè)星期要看上千份的試卷，對(duì)模板的熟悉程度遠(yuǎn)超過(guò)同學(xué)們的想象。

所以對(duì)于想要考高分的同學(xué)，筆者建議多研讀考官范文思路，怎么樣用自己的話(huà)“寫(xiě)”作文，而不是靠“背”作文。

2. 該生的文章里有不準(zhǔn)確表述

…..problems have became a headache這句是典型的把中文“這個(gè)問(wèn)題讓人頭痛”逐字直譯成英文的chinglish。這樣的表達(dá)是外國(guó)考官無(wú)法理解的，只要是考官無(wú)法理解的語(yǔ)句都可能被判為錯(cuò)誤的句子，會(huì)扣分。
　　所以應(yīng)該用西方人比較熟悉的表達(dá) the problems of traffic and pollution have become increasingly severe.或traffic and pollution have negatively affected our daily life。

3.  盡管該生的開(kāi)頭有以上問(wèn)題，但總體來(lái)說(shuō)簡(jiǎn)單明了，直擊話(huà)題，并且表明了自己明確的態(tài)度。從結(jié)構(gòu)上而言是清晰明確的。

那么我們來(lái)看下，同樣的話(huà)題考官是如何開(kāi)頭的——

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雅思考官范文開(kāi)頭：

There is no doubt that traffic and pollution from vehicles have become huge problems, both in cities and on motorways everywhere. Solving these problems is likely to need more than a simple rise in the price of petrol.

分析：第一句話(huà)直接改寫(xiě)原題，陳述現(xiàn)象There is no doubt that traffic and pollution from vehicles have become huge problems, both in cities and on motorways everywhere.

改寫(xiě)方式

1． 添加描述信息：原文討論話(huà)題 have become huge problems, both in cities and on motorways everywhere. 一般有某事很普遍、某事在很多具體的地方都有出現(xiàn)。第二句話(huà)直接表明明確觀Solving these problems is likely to need more than a simple rise in the price of petrol.，回應(yīng)原題中is the best way 這個(gè)論點(diǎn)

通過(guò)上述分析我們可以開(kāi)出，對(duì)于開(kāi)頭其實(shí)有幾個(gè)原題需要把握。

第一，簡(jiǎn)潔明了，直截了當(dāng)。也就是說(shuō)，針對(duì)題目應(yīng)該就事論事，不要有過(guò)多的鋪墊，最多一句話(huà)表明問(wèn)題的一個(gè)背景，不能有無(wú)關(guān)的內(nèi)容。而這個(gè)問(wèn)題背景一定是和話(huà)題緊密相關(guān)，而不是邏輯跳躍巨大的。
　　第二，對(duì)原題要有適當(dāng)修改，切不可直接照抄原文。改寫(xiě)方式一般有同義詞替換，改變?cè)~性，改變主語(yǔ)賓語(yǔ)，適當(dāng)添加內(nèi)容等方式。因此，同學(xué)們應(yīng)該在平時(shí)多聯(lián)系paraphrase的能力，積累用不同語(yǔ)句表達(dá)相同意思說(shuō)法的能力。
　　第三，開(kāi)頭一定不要出錯(cuò)，不管是語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤還是表達(dá)錯(cuò)誤。在文章開(kāi)頭的錯(cuò)誤會(huì)直接讓考官對(duì)學(xué)生的語(yǔ)言能力做出一個(gè)較低的判斷，有一個(gè)較差是第一印象，影響對(duì)文章整體打分。

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