從托福評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)角度看如何提高獨(dú)立寫作分?jǐn)?shù)

 　　今天分享一篇托福寫作方面的干貨文章，希望對(duì)大家有幫助。

　　我們必須首先要全面了解托福寫作評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，才能夠有針對(duì)性方向的去練習(xí)備考。那么，讓我們一起從托福寫作官方評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)角度來(lái)分析獨(dú)立寫作中對(duì)于考生寫作語(yǔ)言的要求。

　　根據(jù)下列展示的評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，不難發(fā)現(xiàn)，ETS對(duì)于各個(gè)分?jǐn)?shù)段的文章的要求中均將邏輯logic一詞放在相當(dāng)?shù)母叨龋�考察大家文章的論證以及例證證明過(guò)程，同時(shí)也對(duì)寫作語(yǔ)言提出了相應(yīng)要求。然而，雖然看似托福獨(dú)立寫作更為推崇考生的邏輯論證過(guò)程，但這并不能成為我們的藉口“語(yǔ)言夠用就好”；恰恰相反，根據(jù)很多教師的建議和高分考生的備考經(jīng)驗(yàn)分享，我們可以發(fā)現(xiàn)，一套好的書面表達(dá)語(yǔ)言恰恰是得到高分的法寶，因?yàn)榱己玫恼Z(yǔ)言表達(dá)能力能夠能夠更為全面的表達(dá)考生縝密的邏輯思維，廣泛的背景知識(shí)和良好的語(yǔ)言操控能力。

　　SCORETASK DEION

　　5An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following:

　　-Effectively addresses the topic and task

　　-Is well organized and well developed, using clearly appropriate explanations, exemplifications, and/or details

　　-Displays unity, progression, and coherence

　　-Displays consistent facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety, appropriate word choice, and idiomatic language, though it may have minor lexical or grammatical errors

　　4An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following:

　　-Addresses the topic and task well, though some points may not be fully elaborated

　　-Is generally well organized and well developed, using appropriate and sufficient explanations, exemplifications, and/or details

　　-Displays unity, progression, and coherence, though it may contain occasional redundancy, digression, or unclear connections

　　-Displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form, or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning

　　3An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following:

　　-Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications, and/or details

　　-Displays unity, progression, and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured

　　-May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning

　　-May display accurate, but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary

　　從上述評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)節(jié)選中可以看出，一篇良好（4分）甚至優(yōu)秀（5分）的文章在語(yǔ)言方面不僅要求我們有豐富且精準(zhǔn)的詞匯表達(dá)能力和銜接自然流暢的語(yǔ)言表達(dá)能力，還需要我們能夠從篇章中展現(xiàn)出語(yǔ)言用句方面的多樣性。但是，究竟如何體現(xiàn)用句方面豐富的多樣性，考生似乎存在很大的疑問(wèn)。大家?guī)缀醵加蓄愃频慕?jīng)歷，滿懷信心的將精心完成的文章交給老師審閱后，卻得出Chinglish, awkward expression一類的評(píng)價(jià)。同學(xué)們會(huì)很困惑于為什么幾乎沒(méi)有任何語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤的情況下，教師仍會(huì)給我們這樣的評(píng)價(jià)。雖然這些文章沒(méi)有太多語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤，但是，文中很多的語(yǔ)句確實(shí)在利用英語(yǔ)百分百的字面翻譯我們的漢語(yǔ)語(yǔ)句，另外再加上對(duì)于英美人士用句習(xí)慣缺乏了解，考生很容易在語(yǔ)言表達(dá)方面遇到瓶頸，使語(yǔ)言成為寫作分?jǐn)?shù)難以提高的瓶頸。

　　根據(jù)一些好的范文以及有英語(yǔ)母語(yǔ)人士寫出的閱讀材料分析，我們不難發(fā)現(xiàn)，幾乎所有符合Written Standard Formal English這一要求好的文章都具備諸多相同的語(yǔ)言特征，其中，本文將重點(diǎn)淺談其中兩個(gè)表達(dá)特征，那就是：variety, 以及briefness.

　　Ⅰ VARIETY

　　首先，評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)中“demonstrating syntactic variety”這一要求來(lái)看，ETS將語(yǔ)言表達(dá)多樣性放在了其語(yǔ)言能力要求的第一位。那么，如何使語(yǔ)言真的變得various，對(duì)于絕大多數(shù)中國(guó)學(xué)生來(lái)說(shuō)并不是一個(gè)容易的要求，因?yàn)榇蠹沂軡h語(yǔ)語(yǔ)言表達(dá)的限制，往往會(huì)將全文寫作句式和表達(dá)邏輯過(guò)于單一，不具備語(yǔ)言方面的閃光點(diǎn)。那么，如何將語(yǔ)言變得更加various，以下兩個(gè)角度為考生們提供了一些新的表達(dá)方式供其參考。

　　（1）主語(yǔ)選擇方面

　　受漢語(yǔ)限制，中國(guó)考生幾乎在最初進(jìn)行寫作練習(xí)時(shí)千篇一律通篇語(yǔ)句全部以人稱詞做主語(yǔ)；但是，如果我們多去分析閱讀材料中英美本族人士的寫作篇章，我們發(fā)現(xiàn)他們的文章中很大部分語(yǔ)句是以動(dòng)作和事物作為主語(yǔ)。因此，為達(dá)到語(yǔ)言多樣性要求，第一條建議就是大家在用句時(shí)可以考慮將部分語(yǔ)句主語(yǔ)進(jìn)行替換，實(shí)現(xiàn)多樣化。例如：

　　a. introducing children earlier to study foreign languages is deeply recommended by some educationists.

　　在該句中，原句作者并未將此句寫成大家更為熟悉的：some educationist deeply recommend to have children introduced to study foreign languages earlier. 相反，作者選用introducing children earlier to study foreign languages 動(dòng)名詞詞組做主語(yǔ)，邏輯上用動(dòng)作，而非人作主語(yǔ)，給大家?guī)��?lái)眼前一亮的感覺(jué)。

　　b. the obvious argument in its favor is that young children pick up languages much more easily than teenagers.

　　在該句中，原文作者沒(méi)有采取中國(guó)考生最為推崇的some people are favoring that young children pick up languages much more easily than teenagers. 而已這些人所持有的argument作為主語(yǔ)達(dá)到語(yǔ)言表達(dá)上的多樣性。

　　c. it is too absolute to define university education as the most important factor in a person’s successful.

　　在該例句中，作者同樣利用表動(dòng)作的不定式“to define university education as the most important factor in a person’s successful”。

　　類似的例子還有：

　　-Focusing on sports facilities is too narrow an approach and would not have the desired results.

　　-The 21st century has already witnessed too much catastrophes.

　　-Rarely ever has history seen a man or society kick back or relax.

　　-Reactions to World Wars one and two in expressed by the artistic community and historically do not support the idea that the world is changing for the better.

　　因此，為了達(dá)到語(yǔ)言多樣性這一需求，同學(xué)們可以從較為簡(jiǎn)單的方法入手，改變傳統(tǒng)千篇一律的語(yǔ)言習(xí)慣，適當(dāng)選擇主語(yǔ)，可以結(jié)合被動(dòng)語(yǔ)態(tài)物化主語(yǔ)，或去動(dòng)作化句中主語(yǔ)，改變語(yǔ)言表達(dá)習(xí)慣。

　　（2）具體概念抽象化

　　常看英美人士所寫出閱讀材料的考生一定會(huì)有印象關(guān)于英語(yǔ)本族人士對(duì)于名詞性從句的應(yīng)用。實(shí)際上，從語(yǔ)言學(xué)分支方向語(yǔ)用學(xué)角度分析，英語(yǔ)本族人士對(duì)于名詞性從句的運(yùn)用正好體現(xiàn)了英語(yǔ)具體概念抽象化這一特征。例如：

　　a. What we had learnt from the environmental crisis paved the way for us to consolidate the idea about environmental protection.

　　在該例句子，該考生并未按照中國(guó)學(xué)生的傳統(tǒng)表達(dá)方式將此句寫為：the lessons that we had learnt from the environmental crisis paved the way for us to consolidate the idea about environmental protection, 而是直接利用主語(yǔ)從句what we had learnt from the environmental crisis作為該句主語(yǔ)。

　　b. by providing them with periodical training programs, managers hope workers to employ what they have acquired from the workshop to minimize the possibility of making mistakes.

　　在該句中，作者將to employ the knowledge learnt from the workshop 替換成了賓語(yǔ)從句what they have acquired from the workshop去體現(xiàn)其語(yǔ)言方面的多樣性。

　　c. What motivates people to change is a relentless and innate desire for self-improvement.

　　甚至在College board提供的某篇滿分SAT作文中，該考生也在開篇第一句利用主語(yǔ)從句替換傳統(tǒng)語(yǔ)言表達(dá)習(xí)慣。

　　因此，作為建議達(dá)到語(yǔ)言多樣性要求的建議之二，也重點(diǎn)推薦考生在習(xí)慣性利用定語(yǔ)從句的同時(shí)也多去思考，學(xué)習(xí)習(xí)慣使用名詞性從句實(shí)現(xiàn)具體概念抽象化。

　　那么講完了variety后，我們?cè)谝黄鹂匆豢碽riefness到底講的是什么。

　　Ⅱ BRIEFNESS

　　同學(xué)們上初中以來(lái)一定特別驕傲能寫出一套長(zhǎng)句，尤其是在學(xué)會(huì)使用定語(yǔ)從句后。而然，就在我們樂(lè)此不疲孜孜不倦的使用從句從句從句時(shí)，卻不知，例如這樣的句子“I ate an apple which had been given by Marry who comes from USA which is a state in North America that is a continent on the earth which is the only one planet with the trace of living creatures in the whole galaxy”卻會(huì)完全讓你們的讀者抓狂。實(shí)際上，在我們累計(jì)了一定閱讀素材后，我們不難發(fā)現(xiàn)，英語(yǔ)本族那些老外在書寫時(shí)，尤其針對(duì)信息量很大的正式文時(shí)，卻往往習(xí)慣使用各種成分去替換從句。掌握這一規(guī)律后，推薦大家好好學(xué)習(xí)非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞一章概念，看看如何利用不定式，分詞等替換咱們的定語(yǔ)從句和狀語(yǔ)從句。

　　a. From his smile it was evident that Burton had successfully reached an agreement to avert a strike.

　　在該例句中，作者并未使用大家更為熟悉的定語(yǔ)從句that would avert a strike去修飾an agreement，而實(shí)用不定式動(dòng)作to avert a strike做定語(yǔ)。

　　b. Having been Lesile’s teammate for three basketball seasons, Claire Knew that Leslie had the experience and temperament requiring of a good team captain.

　　在該句中，作者利用現(xiàn)在分詞完成時(shí)引導(dǎo)原因狀語(yǔ)having been Lesile’s teammate for three basketball seasons替換了原因狀語(yǔ)從句because he had been Lesile’s teammate for three basketball seasons.

　　類似例句還有：

　　-Traveling through Yosemite, we photographed the beautiful scenery of waterfalls and granite peaks.

　　-Carried by the strong, dry winds of the stratosphere, dust from the 1980 eruption of Mount Saint Helens crossed the United States in three days and circled the globe in two weeks.

　　-Used as a writing material in ancient Egypt, papyrus was made from a type of plant that flourished in the Nile Valley.

　　結(jié)語(yǔ)

　　擁有一個(gè)突破性的寫作分?jǐn)?shù)看似不是一件容易的事，但是我們?cè)诔浞至私獾娇脊俚降紫胍�怎么樣的文章之后，便可以根�?jù)其評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)得出自己的備考方案。再嘗試獨(dú)立寫作語(yǔ)言功底方面，上面若干建議能夠極大的幫助同學(xué)總結(jié)提升語(yǔ)言基本功，寫出考官希望得到的語(yǔ)句，幫助大家得到心儀的分?jǐn)?shù)

留學(xué)改變?nèi)松�，教育改變中�?guó)！

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