GRE寫作Argument 范文——因果類

題目：
    “The Mozart School of Music should obviously be the first choice of any music student. First of all, the Mozart School stresses intensive practice and training, so students typically begin their training at a very young age. Second, the school has ample facilities and up-to-date professional equipment. Also, its faculty includes some of the most distinguished music teachers in the world. Finally, many Mozart graduates have gone on to be the most renowned and most highly paid musicians in the nation.”
范文及解析：
    This argument concludes that the Mozart School should be the first choice of any music student based on (1) its intensive practice requirements for students of all ages, (2) its outstanding facilities, up-to-date equipment, and distinguished faculty, and (3) the accomplishments of its graduates. The evidence provided indicates that the Mozart School of Music should, in fact, be the first choice but the argument has several fatal flaws.
    【此段結(jié)構(gòu)】
    本段采用了標準的Argument開頭段結(jié)構(gòu)，即：C – E - F的開頭結(jié)構(gòu)，首句概括原文的C(Conclusion)，同時概括了原文為了支持他的結(jié)論所引用的E(Evidence)。最后尾句中給出開頭段到正文段的過渡句，指出原文在邏輯上存在F(Flaw)。
    【此段功能】
    本段作為Argument開頭段，具體功能就在發(fā)起攻擊。首先，概括原文的結(jié)論：Mozart(簡稱M)學(xué)校是音樂學(xué)生的首選。接下來分別列舉了原文為了支持這個結(jié)論引用的證據(jù)：一是M學(xué)校各個學(xué)生的intensive practice，二是M學(xué)校舉要好的設(shè)施和教工，三是M學(xué)校畢業(yè)生有很高的成就。論據(jù)的歸納用于鋪墊出正文段的具體攻擊。最后點出原文存在邏輯錯誤，引出后面的分析。
    First, while The Mozart School of Music is known for its intensive practice and training regimen, the school might only be suitable for new, young students. Perhaps the methods would be a shock for students already familiar with alternative styles of instruction. For that matter, many older students with other interests and activities may find the intensity and time commitment troubling.
    【此段結(jié)構(gòu)】
    本段采用了標準的Argument正文段結(jié)構(gòu)，即：概括第一個邏輯錯誤的錯誤類型和原文犯錯位置，接下來給出合理的理由和他因來反駁原文。
    【此段功能】
    本段作為正文第一段，攻擊文章犯的主要邏輯錯誤：錯誤因果。作者認為M學(xué)校的intensive practice和training regimen可能只適合低年齡段學(xué)生。進一步，作者提出M學(xué)校的訓(xùn)練法可能不適合那些年齡大一些的，有音樂基礎(chǔ)的學(xué)生。
    Secondly, if the claims are true that the outstanding facilities, equipment, and faculty are offered, it may follow that the cost for these benefits is passed on to students in the form of high tuition. Thus the argument assumes that for all prospective music students’ money is no object—a more affordable school may, in fact, be the first choice for music students.
    【此段結(jié)構(gòu)】
    本段采用了標準的Argument正文段結(jié)構(gòu)，即：概括第二個邏輯錯誤的錯誤類型和原文犯錯位置，接下來給出合理的理由和他因來反駁原文。
    【此段功能】
    本段作為正文第二段，攻擊文章犯的主要邏輯錯誤：因果錯誤(忽略他因)。作者outstanding facilities, equipment, faculty可能意味著高學(xué)費。作者提出原文中的“money is no object”的說法可能不合理，因為學(xué)費也是學(xué)生考慮的因素。
    Thirdly, while many alumni have moved on to become rich and famous, the argument doesn’t offer a relevant connection between the graduates and potential students. For example, perhaps the earlier, successful graduates benefitted from market trends that have since changes. Therefore, it would stand to reason that any students with the same type of training would no longer fit the bill. Maybe another school provides the technical training that could better prepare students for emerging opportunities in the music scene.
    【此段結(jié)構(gòu)】
    本段采用了標準的Argument正文段結(jié)構(gòu)，即：概括第三個邏輯錯誤的錯誤類型和原文犯錯位置，接下來給出合理的理由和他因來反駁原文。
    【此段功能】
    本段作為正文第三段，攻擊文章犯的主要邏輯錯誤：因果類。作者認為alumni成功不能說明問題，因為原文沒有提到graduate和student之間的connection。接下來。作者列舉了一些可能性來反駁原文中的觀點。例如，早期畢業(yè)生的成功更多由市場潮流造成的，可能具有相同訓(xùn)練的學(xué)生不能適合，可能其他學(xué)校的學(xué)生會有更多機會。
    In sum, The Mozart School of Music, while it may certainly be a very good school, can not claim to be the number one choice for any music student—the claim is too sweeping and the evidence too general. To strengthen the argument, its proponent must demonstrate, at the very least, that the school would be affordable to any prospective student. To better assess the argument the audience needs more information about how various aged students with unique educational backgrounds will be treated. And finally, an audience must be provided with a basic understanding of the music industry in order to determine if the contributing factors that led to the success of alumni have gone unchanged.
    【此段結(jié)構(gòu)】
    本段采用了標準的Argument結(jié)尾段結(jié)構(gòu)，即：C – S的結(jié)尾結(jié)構(gòu)，首先再次重申原文的站不住腳的Conclusion，接下來給出給合理建議Suggestion。
    【此段功能】
    本段作為Argument結(jié)尾段，具體功能就總結(jié)歸納+建議措施，首先再次重申“M學(xué)校是音樂學(xué)生number one choice”的觀點不合理。接下來作者給出合理的建議：一是大多數(shù)學(xué)生可以負擔(dān)得起學(xué)校的學(xué)費，二是要說明學(xué)校針對不同背景不同年齡學(xué)生的教學(xué)情況，三是要說明音樂界的基本情況以及使得校友成功的因素不會變化。結(jié)尾段的幾個條建議非常規(guī)整的隱射前面的幾個主要錯誤，前后呼應(yīng)，文章有力結(jié)尾，渾然一體。
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