【剖析】學(xué)生雅思習(xí)作批改范例

In the wake of diverse culture penetrated into our daily life, we are prone to be exposed to external cultural atmosphere. When it comes to the trendy concept of TV programs and movies, an increasing number of citizens are addicted to those made in other countries. Nevertheless, from my perspective, I am convinced that the TV programs and moves in my own country draw more attention to me.
　　1. movies打字錯(cuò)誤
　　2. 開(kāi)頭整體OK
　　3. draw one’s attention或者draw sb to sth就表示吸引，注意下使用搭配

First and foremost, our local programs reflect a body of familiar and surrounding scenes,giving rise to audiences’ resonance. There is no denying the fact that we are expectd to watch familiar living conditions and daily postures and expressions in the works of our own country. For instance,when watchers see their landscapes in theirhometown, the familiar scene covered in the programs are inclined to remind audiences of their memories ever before. Resonance is expected to provoke their own interests and the watchers will stare at the screens in case he or she misses the common part of their concentration.
　　1. 整體說(shuō)理還是較合理的，個(gè)人更建議for instance部分平行寫(xiě)2-3個(gè)viewers想看的，可以體現(xiàn)共鳴的東西
　　2. 單詞間空格再注意下
　　3. 單詞拼寫(xiě)也是expected; 被間隔開(kāi)的主語(yǔ)和謂語(yǔ)時(shí)候，更要注意主謂一致：scene是單數(shù)，不可能是are inclined

Furthermore, audiences can gain a better understanding of the details of programs. Owing to the fact that local programs and movies is legible and easily understood, no efforts should be exerted to think about the details and plots of movies. Thus, we have access to actor’s humor and expressions. Not only can we relieve the burden and stress in the process of programs and movies, but also we will get the point of programs without the extra endeavour. As is illustrated in one survey held in my university, a mounting majority of students would rather wathch their own local programs in ther leisure time, demonstrating that they even feel the expression judging by the postures
　　1.  主謂一致；拼寫(xiě)繼續(xù)注意；最后一句的標(biāo)點(diǎn)忘記寫(xiě)了
　　2. 個(gè)人覺(jué)得這段就是說(shuō)的文化背景的關(guān)系嗎，如果是，那應(yīng)該寫(xiě)到這個(gè)字眼相關(guān)的信息，是因?yàn)榱私庾约旱奈幕�才可以更好的理解�?xì)節(jié)，不是么，那么你的主題句也應(yīng)該相應(yīng)修改成the familiarity of home cultures help spark more interest in domestic movies and programs.

Last but not least, it is inrefutable that external moveis and programs offer audiences essensial vehicles for broadening their horizons. They can get exposed to the diverse cultural background and watch various sightseeings, which can provide a deep impression on them. However, we fail to realize the deeper meaning of actors’ words. We can hear what they said but not why they did.  Thus, the programs and movies created by our own countries appeal to us more and audiences are engaging in the programs readily.
　　1. 單詞拼寫(xiě)問(wèn)題3個(gè)地方
　　2. 名詞數(shù)量，sightseeing不可數(shù)
　　3. 整體段落里面能用的詞匯能你也用，說(shuō)理也ok但有些表達(dá)其實(shí)還是不那么地道provide an impression一般是leave/make/create/convey來(lái)搭配較多；broaden horizons呢是個(gè)對(duì)的搭配，但用的人較多了，你可以換成expand one’s vision或者sb be open to sth這樣轉(zhuǎn)換下表達(dá)也不錯(cuò)的

By and large,based on the reasons mentioned,I am strongly convinced that programs and movies attract overwhelming attraction to audiences.
　　1. 單詞空格
　　2. attract attraction，同根詞的搭配不大建議用
　　3. 結(jié)尾段：要把前面中間段的主題句改寫(xiě)后寫(xiě)在結(jié)尾段，不要使用套句，based on the reasons mentioned…另外，I am convinced已經(jīng)用過(guò)了，沒(méi)有其他詞匯可以表達(dá)么，我是覺(jué)得也不一定非得出現(xiàn)這個(gè)詞組吧，考官當(dāng)然知道這是你的觀點(diǎn)啊。

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