托福獨(dú)立寫(xiě)作的例子要這么舉

如今，我們想獲取托福寫(xiě)作高分并非遙不可及，尤其能在獨(dú)立寫(xiě)作中用好例證的話，26分以上基本水到渠成了。

在官方指南OG中，5分的要求之一是using clearly appropriate explanations, specific details and examples to support your view. 可見(jiàn)舉好“例子”的重要，今天就聊聊如何拿下這顆“栗子”。

首先，請(qǐng)小伙伴看一段學(xué)生寫(xiě)的例證，找找有哪些(思路上)錯(cuò)誤。

Advertisers persuade customers to buy the products by displaying a more attractive product image. In other words, advertisers would exaggerate or overemphasize the product benefits to sell more to consumers. For example, when I was still six years old in primary school, I liked watching TV a lot. One day, I was so attracted by McDonald’s Happy Meal advertisement in which I saw young children played with some fun toys and gulped down some crispy chicken nuggets. Back then, I loved nuggets very much. After watching the ad over and over again, I asked my dad to take me to McDonald’s. At first, he did not want to but eventually gave in. You know what? I ordered the same Happy Meal and the food tasted awful. So both my dad and I were rather disappointed.

不難發(fā)現(xiàn)，本段的主要問(wèn)題是：一，例子與中心句關(guān)系不緊密;二，例子的篇幅控制不好。要處理好這兩個(gè)問(wèn)題，首先，我們來(lái)了解核心段拓展中幾個(gè)重要的概念：統(tǒng)一性(unity), 連貫性 (coherence)和漸進(jìn)性 (progression)。

Unity: the entire paragraph focuses on one single idea, avoiding idea repetition or irrelevant points.

Coherence: sentences in a paragraph are organized in a clear and logical order.

Progression: the process of developing ideas gradually from one stage to another.

簡(jiǎn)單來(lái)說(shuō)在例證時(shí)，我們需要用具體的例子與中心句及解釋的部分掛鉤，有邏輯的用具象事物去演繹分論點(diǎn)的邏輯關(guān)系，同時(shí)避免出現(xiàn)重復(fù)、無(wú)關(guān)的細(xì)節(jié)。思維導(dǎo)圖如下：

中心句/主題句-> 解釋分論點(diǎn)-> 舉例+相關(guān)細(xì)節(jié)-> 回顧分論點(diǎn)/點(diǎn)題

那么，我們一起來(lái)改進(jìn)這個(gè)段落吧。

Advertisers persuade customers to buy the products by displaying a more attractive product image. In other words, advertisers would exaggerate or overemphasize the product benefits to sell more to consumers. (這句是對(duì)中心句的解釋，沒(méi)有大問(wèn)題;建議原因?qū)懙迷偻笍匦? For example, when I was still six years old in primary school,I liked watching TV a lot.(喜歡看電視這個(gè)細(xì)節(jié)和本段主題無(wú)關(guān)，違背了“統(tǒng)一性”) One day, I was so attracted by McDonald’s Happy Meal advertisement in which I saw young children played with some fun toys and gulped down some crispy chicken nuggets. Back then, I loved nuggets very much. (又一處無(wú)關(guān)主題的細(xì)節(jié))After watching the ad over and over again, I asked my dad to take me to McDonald’s.At first, he did not want to but eventually gave in. (敘述性的內(nèi)容過(guò)度了)You know what? (過(guò)于口語(yǔ)化的銜接)I ordered the same Happy Meal and the food tasted awful.(少了必要的細(xì)節(jié)，沒(méi)有交待這個(gè)廣告如何的夸大產(chǎn)品，讓顧客覺(jué)得與現(xiàn)實(shí)有差距) So both my dad and I were rather disappointed. (沒(méi)有將例子和本段的論點(diǎn)結(jié)合或點(diǎn)題)

經(jīng)過(guò)修改，我們有了下面的版本。

Advertisers persuade customers to buy the products by displaying a more attractive product image. Naturally, we would be appealed by something that is desirable and gravitated towards the virtual products that are close to perfect, which justifies why advertisers exaggerate or overemphasize the product benefits to sell more.

For example, as a six-year-old boy, I was mesmerized by the back-then McDonald’s Happy Meal advertisement featuring fancy toys and crispy chicken nuggets and therefore pestered my parents to take me to the fast food restaurant, only to find that those toys broke easily and nuggets were overly fried. However, I would not have ordered the meal if I had not watched the misleading advertisement.

當(dāng)然，除了寫(xiě)好個(gè)人經(jīng)歷式的例子，高分的文章看重例子的多樣性和代表性，所以我們不妨學(xué)習(xí)和積累其他的舉例方式，如：

1.泛泛的、羅列式舉例。每個(gè)例子的細(xì)節(jié)不多，但同類別的可以多寫(xiě)幾個(gè)。

Technology has equipped children with professional tools which could finally realize their imagination. This takes form particularly as computer software and applications, such as Photoshop for creative graphic design, Overture for easily composing a piece of music, 3D Max for building up a virtual world. All these applications were never as handy as they are at present, and this would absolutely enables our children to realize their creativity.

2.具備權(quán)威性的專家意見(jiàn)及數(shù)據(jù)統(tǒng)計(jì)或調(diào)查結(jié)果。雖然考官不會(huì)在意這些觀點(diǎn)和數(shù)據(jù)的真假，但我們盡可能拼對(duì)專家、機(jī)構(gòu)的名字，并積累一些引出觀點(diǎn)的句型。如：

Overindulging children with material things can be harmful to their growth. American writer and pediatrician Benjamin Spock points out that overindulged children may become, to certain extent, greedy and self-centered. In addition, he says, often these children are not as creative in their play as children with fewer playthings, because they are not challenged. Mr. Spock concludes that if every request is satisfied the moment it is made, these children will not be able to deal with a delay in gratification when they grow up.

又如：

Drinking too much wine causes liver damage. A recent study can back up this point. The study, conducted by the John Hopkins University School of Medicine, has found a causal relationship between drinking more than 12 ounces of beer regularly and fatty liver.

3.名人類的例子。具備代表性的名人經(jīng)歷、事件也能增加例子的可性度。

Corporal punishment does more harm to children’s physical growth, leaving much shadow on the psychological well-being of the young. An example goes to the American pop superstar, Michael Jackson. When he was a child, his father slapped him badly whenever he did not want to dance as expected. At some incidents of this kind, he broke up with his father. The father and son relationship never reconciled afterwards, leaving Jackson an emotional scar never recovered.

以上便是托福寫(xiě)作如何舉例的小貼士，有了正確的例證思路，加上合理的破題和過(guò)硬的語(yǔ)言表達(dá)功底，相信小伙伴們一定能nail寫(xiě)作26+。