雅思寫作內(nèi)容混亂無邏輯？作文補(bǔ)救大法在這里

在我們很多學(xué)生的雅思作文中，經(jīng)常出現(xiàn)內(nèi)容混亂，為了湊字?jǐn)?shù)自己隨便寫的情況，這些都會嚴(yán)重影響我們的分?jǐn)?shù)。今天我們就用一篇學(xué)生的作文來看看這些內(nèi)容應(yīng)該怎么改。

題目：

 Drivers should pay a certain amount of fees so that they can be permitted to drive out in traffic busy time. Do you agree or disagree?

In these days, traffic congestion has become a more and more significant problem in many big cities which leads to an enduring controversy: the one regarding whether drivers are supposed to be charged in order to be permitted to use their own cars during the busy time. A number people may claim that governments shouldn't charge because they don’t have rights to impose extra tax. However if we take a deeper consideration, we can conclude that it's exactly a suitable solution to traffic congestion. Here’s my idea.

The primary reason is that it undoubtedly alleviates the congestion. Regarding the fees, many people may choose public transportation instead of driving in busy time and certainly cut down the number of private cars. Hence, the stress of the road can reduce effectively, arriving earlier than before. In turn, if the policy not was published, the commuting time will lengthen with the huge and soar inventory of cars. In addition, this situation may also cause the waste of public transportation which optimize improperly.

The second point is that authorities can use fees to enhance the traffic infrastructures so as to promote the comfort level of commuting. For example, subways are usually regarded as a convenient transportation with a high capacity, transporting people in a faster way at a long distance. Nevertheless, the cost of constructing subways per kilometer tends to almost a staggering number: nearly 100 million dollars. It's a tremendous expenditure for the authorities. They have to charge more from publics to operate the whole urban transportation. In fact, there are numerous methods to promote like renewing buses, decreasing the tickets fees which encourages publics to take public transportation, building bicycle paths etc.

Admittedly, the needs of going out still exist, such idea may cause the stress for public transportation, examining the daunting tenacity of governments.

Therefore, paying fees to be allowed to driving is beneficial for everyone, such as easing the traffic pressures and have more expenditures to alternate transportations. Thus, it's a wonderful way to promote the urban traffic problems.

改后：

In these days, traffic congestion has become a significant problem in many big cities, which leads to an enduring controversy whether drivers are supposed to be charged in order to be permitted to use their own cars during the busy time. A number people may claim that governments shouldn't charge because they don't have rights to impose extra tax. However, if we take a deeper consideration, we can conclude that it's exactly a suitable solution to traffic congestion. Here is my idea.

The primary point lies in the fact that it undoubtedly alleviates the congestion. Given the fees, many people may choose public transportation instead of driving in busy time, thereby cutting down the number of private cars in the commuting time. Hence, the overall traffic volume will be reduced so employees can arrive at workplace earlier than before. On the contrary, if the policy is not implemented, countless cars will be queuing up to work or travel on roads.

Another point that we should never overlook is that authorities can use the fees to enhance the traffic infrastructures so as to promote the comfort level of commuting. It's manifest that authorities need tremendous expenditure to establish and optimize public transit such as sky trains, overpasses, magnetically-levitated trains, renewing buses, decreasing the tickets fees, building bicycle paths in metropolises. If government could charge fees from the drivers, this kind of financial benefits can be an important source of government revenue, which of course reduces the financial burden on the authorities.

Granted, it may be tempting to argue that if the drivers are subject to high tax, their living standards will be damaged. Therefore, an appropriate rate should be considered.

To sum up, paying fees to be allowed to drive in the rush hours is beneficial since this measure contributes to easing the traffic pressure and bringing more budgets for the government.

紅色字體是看不懂的部分，標(biāo)黃部分是改過的部分。

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