從細(xì)節(jié)出發(fā)完勝托福寫作評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)

托�？荚嚜�(dú)立寫作滿分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)明確要求考生做到：“文章結(jié)構(gòu)清晰、能充分展開(kāi)，使用適當(dāng)?shù)慕忉屨f(shuō)明、例證和/或細(xì)節(jié)。”原文如下：

“An essay is well organized and well developed, using clearly appropriate explanations, exemplifications, and/or details.”

對(duì)于大多數(shù)考生而言，針對(duì)給定話題找出理由、利用解釋說(shuō)明和例證支持展開(kāi)論證難度不大。但如何達(dá)到滿分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)要求，針對(duì)論證給出適當(dāng)、充足的細(xì)節(jié)卻是困擾無(wú)數(shù)考生的難點(diǎn)。在此筆者結(jié)合近千位考生在備考過(guò)程中常見(jiàn)的“細(xì)節(jié)問(wèn)題”歸納整理、輔以實(shí)例，以“五問(wèn)五答”的形式助力考生“贏在細(xì)節(jié)”，向滿分沖刺。

一問(wèn)：給不出細(xì)節(jié)怎么辦？

答：給細(xì)節(jié)是一種技巧，好比一層窗欞紙，一捅就破，毫不費(fèi)力。備考練習(xí)中配合不同的論證手法，給細(xì)節(jié)的技巧也不盡相同，主要有以下兩種：

第一、“上下意重復(fù)法”。細(xì)節(jié)描述必然出現(xiàn)在解釋說(shuō)明或例證支持之后，做為論證的具體展開(kāi)而存在。對(duì)于舉例論證而言，考生可以借鑒GRE類比題的解答方法，通過(guò)上下意重復(fù)給出更多細(xì)節(jié)。

“上下意”是對(duì)詞匯語(yǔ)意范圍的一種界定。通常來(lái)說(shuō)，利用“頭腦風(fēng)暴”任意舉出一個(gè)名詞，我們總能找到它的“上意詞”或“下意詞”。例如，我們?nèi)粘Ｉ�活中使用�?ldquo;微波爐(microwave oven)”，它是一種家用電器，那么它的上意詞可定義為“電器設(shè)備(electronic device)”，而說(shuō)到電器設(shè)備我們又可以微波爐為參照物給出“電冰箱(refrigerator)”、“電視機(jī)(television)”、“空調(diào)(air conditioner)”等，這就構(gòu)成了電器設(shè)備的下意詞。利用這種技巧，考生可以在例證支持中給出上意詞，再以多個(gè)下意詞做為具體細(xì)節(jié)展開(kāi)論證。下面是一位考生的習(xí)作：

“The development of modern technology does bring much convenience to our daily life. For example, electronic device has been widely used in families.”

這位考生給出論點(diǎn)：現(xiàn)代技術(shù)為我們的日常生活帶來(lái)諸多便利。再給出例證支持：電器設(shè)備已經(jīng)進(jìn)入家庭。我們要求考生向著滿分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)沖刺，務(wù)必“贏在細(xì)節(jié)”，利用“上下意重復(fù)法”找出“電器設(shè)備(electronic device)”的下意詞，給出更多細(xì)節(jié)：

“The development of modern technology does bring much convenience to our daily life. For example, a number of electronic devices, such as microwave oven, refrigerator and television, have been widely used in families.”

此外也有相當(dāng)一部分考生在解釋說(shuō)明和例證支持時(shí)已經(jīng)做到了“細(xì)致入微”，妨礙了論證的進(jìn)一步展開(kāi)。例如：

“Although the average pay is much less than that of big cities, vegetables are usually less expensive.”

這位考生給出論點(diǎn)：小城鎮(zhèn)的物價(jià)比大城市便宜。再給出解釋說(shuō)明：盡管(小城鎮(zhèn)的)平均報(bào)酬比大城市低很多，但蔬菜的價(jià)格也通常更便宜。考生對(duì)解釋說(shuō)明和細(xì)節(jié)支持之間的關(guān)系把握不好，導(dǎo)致解釋不夠權(quán)威，細(xì)節(jié)不夠充足。

針對(duì)這部分考生，我們要求在解釋說(shuō)明時(shí)務(wù)必先寫“上意詞”圈定范圍，然后再給出充足的細(xì)節(jié)支持，使層次更加清晰：

“Although the average pay is much less than that of big cities, daily necessities, such as vegetables and meat, are usually less expensive.”

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第二、“W&H法”。很多參加過(guò)SAT考試的考生深受SAT寫作技法的影響，喜歡講故事。例如，一位曾獲得SAT寫作高分的學(xué)員在解答托福寫作交流交友類話題時(shí)就習(xí)慣性地?cái)⑹隽怂�如何參加畢業(yè)舞會(huì)(prom)，如何與最耀眼的舞會(huì)皇后(Prom Queen)相識(shí)，如何邀請(qǐng)她共舞一曲的全過(guò)程。觸類旁通、事半功倍，這位考生最終在托福寫作部分取得了29分的好成績(jī)。

事實(shí)證明，ETS在考察寫作能力時(shí)雖然針對(duì)不同目的、不同人群設(shè)計(jì)了不同的考試，但橫向比較不難發(fā)現(xiàn)，各種考試之間也存在很多共通點(diǎn)。考生熟練掌握一種寫作技法，給出充足的細(xì)節(jié)使故事敘述足夠完整，可以在不同的考試中取得理想的成績(jī)。

在此考生務(wù)必要問(wèn)清自己4個(gè)“W”和1個(gè)“H”(when, where, who, what, how)，將事情發(fā)生的時(shí)間、地點(diǎn)、人物、過(guò)程等各個(gè)細(xì)節(jié)充分展現(xiàn)在考官面前。例如考生論證存錢應(yīng)急比花錢消費(fèi)更重要，并敘述了他的朋友在車禍前后的故事：

“For example, I have a friend named Victor. He is not rich but keeps a good habit of depositing a certain amount of money into the bank account each month. He sometimes complained to me because saving disabled him to spend money buying something he desired. But last month, while he rode to school in the rush hour, he was involved in a horrible accident and injured severely. So a large amount of money was immediately required for an operation. Most of the family’s deposit was put into use and fortunately, he got through this nightmare. Now he feels so blessed and grateful that he keeps this habit of saving and this incident strikes him tremendously to realize how significant the deposits are to ordinary people.”

這段論述平鋪直敘，易于模仿，尤其貴在細(xì)節(jié)充足。時(shí)間、地點(diǎn)、人物和事情的前因后果一目了然。通過(guò)如此詳盡的敘述，“存錢是未雨綢繆”這一論點(diǎn)也得到了更強(qiáng)有力的支持。

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二問(wèn)：所謂細(xì)節(jié)“細(xì)”到什么程度？

答：滿分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)只要求給出適當(dāng)、充足的細(xì)節(jié)，卻并沒(méi)有明確指出“細(xì)”到什么程度，因此具體問(wèn)題要具體分析。

考場(chǎng)實(shí)戰(zhàn)中，細(xì)節(jié)能“細(xì)”到什么程度完全取決于考生的日常積累和語(yǔ)言實(shí)力。例如論證低碳生活對(duì)治理污染有所助益，一位環(huán)境工程專業(yè)的考生就做出了如下論證：

“Low carbon life style may help regulate the climate, conserve water and soil, improve air quality, and eliminate smoke and dust.”

由此看來(lái)只要考生在備考過(guò)程中注意積累，結(jié)合所學(xué)專業(yè)和興趣點(diǎn)，給出學(xué)術(shù)性和權(quán)威性的細(xì)節(jié)并不難。

但對(duì)于大多數(shù)考生而言，時(shí)間緊、任務(wù)重，因此控制好細(xì)節(jié)的尺度就顯得尤為重要。通過(guò)一定量的練習(xí)調(diào)整務(wù)求找到適合自己的尺度�？忌�如果感覺(jué)上述關(guān)于低碳生活的論證過(guò)于專業(yè)，也可以從更通俗的角度改寫細(xì)節(jié)：

“Low carbon life style may help alleviate air pollution, improve water quality and provide us with a better living environment.”

三問(wèn)：細(xì)節(jié)給多少合適？

答：細(xì)節(jié)的數(shù)量取決于論證中解釋說(shuō)明和例證支持的層次。當(dāng)考生只引用一個(gè)例證來(lái)支持給出的論點(diǎn)時(shí)，細(xì)節(jié)必然要多給一些、具體一些;然而當(dāng)考生引用多個(gè)例證來(lái)支持給出的論點(diǎn)時(shí)，每個(gè)例證都要給出細(xì)節(jié)，卻不必每處細(xì)節(jié)都一一詳述。例如，考生在論證科技進(jìn)步使生活變得更輕松時(shí)，若只引用微波爐為例，就務(wù)必要給出多個(gè)細(xì)節(jié)：

“For instance, microwave oven has been widely used in families. Using a microwave oven for cooking can not only heat up the food faster, but also provide a smoke-free cooking environment. Housewives are able to make use of the extra time saved from cooking to do many other things. Smoke created when cooking in traditional ways is always a threat to people’s health, while a microwave oven will solve the problem easily by using an environment friendly power, radiation power.”

同樣是論證科技進(jìn)步使生活變得更輕松，若引用微波爐、電冰箱、計(jì)算機(jī)等多個(gè)例證時(shí)，給出細(xì)節(jié)可以有詳有略，但務(wù)必保證每個(gè)例證都有細(xì)節(jié)支持：

“Life abounds with such examples. By using microwave ovens, the process of cooking is cleaner and faster than the traditional way and consequently this makes the dishes more favorable for people’s health and saves a lot of time for people to do more important things. The refrigerator provides an access to the storing of food more conveniently, and thus it is now possible for people to buy many foods at one time instead of purchasing them in small quantities and go to the supermarket every day. No one can deny that people really benefit a lot from the invention of computers. They accomplish a variety of things through computers including searching for the latest information and chatting online with families and friends.”

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四問(wèn)：細(xì)節(jié)一定要真實(shí)嗎？

答：當(dāng)然不是。托福寫作真題中明確要求“使用具體的理由和例證支持你的論證(use specific reasons and examples to support your answer)”，但并沒(méi)有強(qiáng)調(diào)支持論證的細(xì)節(jié)必須真實(shí)。因此考生在不違反常識(shí)的情況下可以充分發(fā)揮想象，切勿畫地為牢、作繭自縛。例如考生在論證人際交往中互相理解的重要性時(shí)，就可以假設(shè)自己是猶太教徒，而鄰居是一位五星級(jí)大廚，從而展開(kāi)一番饒有趣味的描述：

“Of course, while friendliness and capabilities are important, without a mutual understanding and consideration, any neighbor can be horribly frustrating. Imagine my neighbor who happens to be a five star chef invites me over for dinner. Though he certainly has the appropriate talents for cooking, and the good will to invite me, if he failed to consider my culture or personal preference, I might not go for the meal at all. More specifically, if I were Jewish and followed my religious limitation on food, I would not be able to eat many different kinds of food. Thus, without consideration for my culture, all of the good-will my neighbor might bring would be useless.”

在此基礎(chǔ)上，一些考生還會(huì)糾結(jié)于是否在例證支持中引用名人軼事做為論證細(xì)節(jié)。我們不妨再讀滿分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，適當(dāng)和充分顯然不等于引經(jīng)據(jù)典。所謂“世上本無(wú)事”，名人軼事雖好，但用在托�？荚囍胁⒉粫�(huì)比描述跟你一起玩耍的小伙伴更加“高大上”，更何況積累素材要占用大量備考時(shí)間，得不償失。退一步說(shuō)，如果一定要引用名人軼事，在不違反基本常識(shí)的前提下，考生也盡可以發(fā)揮想象力，細(xì)節(jié)只要為論證服務(wù)，真實(shí)與否并不重要。曾記得某位同學(xué)舉例說(shuō)他喜歡耶穌，理由是“耶穌”好吃，耶穌和鳳梨酥傻傻分不清楚，還是不要引用為好。

五問(wèn)：給出的細(xì)節(jié)一定是“正面、積極、向上”的嗎？

答：在回答這個(gè)問(wèn)題之前，我們先來(lái)看一道獨(dú)立寫作真題：

“Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students should spend a year on traveling or working before they go to college or university. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.”

部分考生受中國(guó)傳統(tǒng)價(jià)值觀的影響，形成了一些刻板偏見(jiàn)，認(rèn)為學(xué)生就應(yīng)該以學(xué)業(yè)為重，放棄學(xué)業(yè)去旅行顯得不夠積極進(jìn)取。事實(shí)上在給細(xì)節(jié)時(shí)大可不必為自己設(shè)立諸多障礙，一位高分考生針對(duì)這一話題展開(kāi)了如下論述：

“Although it is not common in China, spending a year on traveling is not rare in many western countries and this experience may benefit the students enormously. After devoting themselves many years to academic study, the students may suffer from this learning process. They may burnt out and lose interest in campus life. However, by taking a break for one year, they can certainly evoke their enthusiasm again and motivate their hunger for new knowledge.”

以上細(xì)節(jié)論證合情合理，因此考生不必?fù)?dān)心自己給出的細(xì)節(jié)不夠“正面、積極、向上”，更不必為了刻意渲染所謂的“道理”而“只學(xué)習(xí)不玩耍”或“只工作不計(jì)報(bào)酬”。若考生都如此道德高尚，ETS的考官們又情何以堪。

總而言之，給出細(xì)節(jié)的能力是托福獨(dú)立寫作部分考察的重點(diǎn)之一，直接決定著分?jǐn)?shù)的高低。因此考生在備考過(guò)程中務(wù)必熟練掌握給出細(xì)節(jié)的技巧，使整個(gè)論證過(guò)程適當(dāng)、充分，同時(shí)注意細(xì)節(jié)的尺度把握和取向性，時(shí)刻提醒自己托福寫作“贏在細(xì)節(jié)”。

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