新通教師：對(duì)托福滿分作文的詳細(xì)解析篇一（2）

上次欣賞了If you could meet a famous entertainer or athlete, who would that be, and why? 如果你可以遇見(jiàn)一位著名的演繹者或者運(yùn)動(dòng)員，你想見(jiàn)誰(shuí)，并且闡述為什么。這篇滿分作文的前兩段。

獲取更多學(xué)習(xí)資料、最新機(jī)經(jīng)、了解相關(guān)培訓(xùn)課程可撥打電話：400-618-0272

緊接著是第三段：

Second, having previously known that Norah Jones has been performing in a pub as teenager, I would like to know more about her opinions on teenager working, both full-time and part-time. As a university student, I’m still struggling between my major and my true calling, which is music. I appreciate her opinions on whether I should follow my music dreams or shall I just keep it a hobby. And if I were to chase my dream, is playing for pubs the best choice? Since Norah Jones has more experience on this topic, a meet with her might very well set my future road towards a steady direction.此段同樣第一句話表明考生的第二個(gè)理由，即希望和諾拉瓊斯討論是否支持青少年參加全職或兼職工作。此處非常巧妙的是，考生將諾拉瓊斯自身的經(jīng)歷和社會(huì)熱點(diǎn)話題很好的結(jié)合在一起，將眼光不僅局限在諾拉瓊斯的個(gè)人事跡上，而是以自己的眼光來(lái)討論青少年參加工作的話題，并對(duì)此進(jìn)行了有效擴(kuò)展，但同時(shí)不忘與諾拉瓊斯這一人物緊緊相關(guān)，而不是一味跑題。這個(gè)思路非常聰明，使看似個(gè)人的理由變得具有深度和思考性。同時(shí)以疑問(wèn)句的方式將與諾拉瓊斯面對(duì)面的畫(huà)面鋪展開(kāi)來(lái)。從語(yǔ)言組織上，考生再次用到分詞做狀語(yǔ)的語(yǔ)法點(diǎn)。同時(shí)結(jié)合了現(xiàn)在進(jìn)行時(shí)表感情色彩，現(xiàn)在完成進(jìn)行時(shí)，whether引導(dǎo)的賓語(yǔ)從句，since 引導(dǎo)的原因狀語(yǔ)從句，非限制性定語(yǔ)從句，情態(tài)動(dòng)詞，甚至if 引導(dǎo)的虛擬語(yǔ)氣等語(yǔ)法現(xiàn)象，達(dá)到了了句式多樣化的效果。

接下來(lái)第三段：

Third, since I personally admire Norah Jones to a great extent, I would like to take her on a trip of my own country, China. China abounds with natural scenery that differs from that of the states, a diversity of architectural styles, different Chinese cuisines, and a host of passionate people. Taking a tour of our wonderful country and its distinct culture may give Norah Jones some inspirations on musical creation. I would be overjoyed if her trip to China would contribute more or less to her next album. If not, I would still feel satisfied, since few people can enjoy a trip with their idol. And what’s best, I can practice my oral English with her along the trip! 此段是正文的第三個(gè)理由，考生的安排極為精巧，在主題的深度上可以說(shuō)是層層遞進(jìn)。開(kāi)始第一個(gè)理由看似只是個(gè)人音樂(lè)知識(shí)的探討，第二個(gè)理由就逐步遞進(jìn)到社會(huì)問(wèn)題，而第三個(gè)理由則是升華的作用，上升到文化層面。視角由諾納瓊斯的本人轉(zhuǎn)移到考生自己的國(guó)家，并舉出本國(guó)的特色，如菜系，景色，建筑和熱情的好客的國(guó)民。簡(jiǎn)短的排比凸顯出了自己國(guó)家的特色，與其說(shuō)是談諾拉瓊斯，倒不如說(shuō)換了角度談文化特色。但考生并沒(méi)有一味談國(guó)家特色，而是筆鋒一收，接著轉(zhuǎn)回到諾拉身上，為什么作者要談這個(gè)呢?Taking a tour of our wonderful country and its distinct culture may give Norah Jones some inspirations on musical creation. I would be overjoyed if her trip to China would contribute more or less to her next album.這樣的文化一定會(huì)給諾拉創(chuàng)作靈感，將文化特色融入到自己的專(zhuān)輯里。原來(lái)如此，讓文化的引入變得有理有據(jù)，更加自然。

新道通衢,通達(dá)新紀(jì)==》  

最后結(jié)尾段：

That’s why I look forward to meeting Norah Jones, my favorite jazz singer and composer. 結(jié)尾段干凈收尾，簡(jiǎn)潔明了，沒(méi)有過(guò)于贅述。

所以這篇滿分作文整體最大的亮點(diǎn)，一是選材上新穎獨(dú)特，同時(shí)又是美國(guó)本土明星，貼近考官心理。二是思路論點(diǎn)上，從請(qǐng)教音樂(lè)——社會(huì)問(wèn)題討論——文化交流層層遞進(jìn)，步步升華，給人親切之感，好像的確在跟諾拉進(jìn)行面對(duì)面的交流。

三是語(yǔ)言上，文章中大量運(yùn)用了排比句，同義詞轉(zhuǎn)換，和不同的句式結(jié)合。使語(yǔ)言樸實(shí)自然，娓娓道來(lái)。無(wú)論是思路上還是語(yǔ)言上，都值得考生細(xì)細(xì)揣摩，模仿和學(xué)習(xí)。