新通教師：TPO 34獨家范文修改

It is universally acknowledged that various technologies such as cell phone, online games, and social networking Web sites play a more important role on in education than before. In my opinion, I disagree with the statement that nowadays it is more difficult to educate children than in the past because children can take advantage of those high-technologies to enhance their study.

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First and foremost, compared to in the past, at present the cell phone can is enabled to create a good positive effect on children’s study. （觀點清晰）1-2句論據(jù) Thanks to various of advanced software on the cell phone, student find it not difficult to grasp the most scientific leaning methods. For instance, in the past, children learned the new words by the text book without audio format, which led to the children couldn’t speak the words with correct pronunciations children’s false pronunciations or even mute English ; while today, children can are allowed to study those new words by the cell phone and they can imitate the native speaker’s voice through the audio format in the cell phone. As a result, more and more children can speak English fluently.（舉例恰當） From this fact, we can learn that the cell phone makes educating children much easier and comprehensive than before.

Furthermore, teaching children is easier than before by the way of the obvious benefit that playing online games which can cultivate children’s ability of cooperation cannot be ignored. (觀點清晰)需要補充1-2句論據(jù)Through competing and interacting with others in the online games which can be called as a miniature of society, children can experience a sense of cooperation and responsibility intangibly. For example, due to the limitation of real situation, children had few opportunities to practice the ability of cooperation before. Nevertheless, it is much easier today, since in an online game, children are assigned to different tasks. Only when they cooperate well, can they get final success.(舉例恰當，欠詳細) From this experience, children can have a sense of teamwork, which cannot be learned from the class. This example tells us Obviously，in the modern society, children have kinds of chances to practice their cooperation’s ability as a result of internet , which is better for their education.

Finally, contract to the past, today social networking can expend children’s horizon, which is also beneficial for their education.（觀點清晰）various information filling in the web provides children with more broaden world without stepping outside. 需要補充1-2句論據(jù)For example, ten years ago, with limited technology, only through travel can children learn different cultures and languages. However, it spent cost more money and more time; what’s more, children were too young to go for a trip by themselves. So it was not easy to come true. But today, children just need to sit in front of the computer and type some key words through Google, and then they can get plenty of information as they want immediately. （例子選的好）In addition, Children can learn other countries’ culture and languages by watching the video online. Consequently, we can realize that social network Web site is a useful way to educate children. (論述清晰,分析很好)

新道通衢,通達新紀==》  

In a nutshell, I strongly disagree with the statement. With the advanced technology like cell phone, online games, and social networking Web site it can facilitate children’s education and help them be successful easier more easily in their future.（扣題嚴謹）

預估分數(shù)：4.3

整體讀下來很流暢通順，展開等也沒有遵照模板，有自己的想法，這點非常好

表述方面，很有條理，分析和例子結合不錯。只是個別用詞有待斟酌。

在分論點陳述后缺少更充分的論據(jù)，需要通過句式多樣化進行補充。