前ETS考官“軟文”指點托福考試寫作

各位同學(xué)：

大家好!

作為一個月一次的校長軟文又和大家如期見面了。我作為曾經(jīng)ETS 寫作考官之一，始終對于網(wǎng)上流傳的“滿分樣文”持保守贊同的態(tài)度。記得在上個月，我特此寫了一篇軟文給大家并且附上一篇可以獲得5分的獨立寫作片段。

忙碌的暑假即將結(jié)束，秋季我們又有了新的開始。托�？荚�，你準(zhǔn)備好了嗎?為了幫助大家攻克托福寫作，這次我們一起聊聊八九月份預(yù)測題目里面的一道考題、重溫滿分的寫作要求，為大家的考前準(zhǔn)備加把力!

題目：Do you agree or disagree: the effective leaders try to make others feel they have been part of a decision-making。

看到這道考題，大家有什么思路嗎?

A同學(xué)說：題目沒錯啊，因為這樣做可以讓同事有歸屬感，更加熱愛企業(yè)!還有B同學(xué)回應(yīng)：我覺得題目有問題，員工怎么可以和領(lǐng)導(dǎo)一起商量事情呢?畢竟員工懂得不多啊。大家看，這些觀點都在圍繞“員工要不要參與做決定”這個議題展開論述。你們覺得切題嗎?別忘記，我們考官首先要看的評分要求是“effectively address the topic”。

提前感受托�？谡Z考試氛圍 就在每周五托福真題�？� 名額預(yù)約致電021-64648288

仔細(xì)閱讀題目的同學(xué)會發(fā)現(xiàn)，這道題目的“核心議題”是讓員工參與做決定是不是可以證實領(lǐng)導(dǎo)管理是有效的。也就是說，我們論述的著眼點應(yīng)該在“領(lǐng)導(dǎo)有效管理”和“員工參與決策”之間展開。那么，我們快看看考官是如何展開的吧!

考官滿分樣文(部分中間段落)

In the realm of schooling, we convincingly claim that the principals of high schools or private colleges are suggested to be familiarized with the perspectives from the teaching staffs when making educational decisions, since this can ensure a more effective management in fundamental education。(這是作者的分論點：在教育領(lǐng)域來看的話，題目的說法沒有錯誤的) A good example to start out is about how a wise decision on English classes is made(你們能學(xué)會這句話的語法結(jié)構(gòu)嗎?想想你們寫作是如何引出例子的?難道只有一個for example嗎?)： if a principal expects to re-structure the courses being taught in the school, all the concerned English teachers ought to participate, since these teachers can offer invaluable suggestions to ameliorate the course-plans processes. The suggestions they pose may vary, ranging from how to successfully balance the time used for both listening section and reading comprehension and how to effectively help the students to memorize the words to how to wisely select the most appropriate textbooks for students at different ages. In this sense, with the aim at applicably managing the schools, the leaders should let the teaching staffs actively join in the processes of varied meetings。

大家看完后，你是否可以理解什么叫做“論述充分”呢?此外，這個例子作者并沒有指出具體的名字，也就是說，在托福考試?yán)锩�，我們可以泛指一類人或者一類事情。這種舉例叫做“虛擬性事實”。這點是被ETS寫作考官認(rèn)可的。好，我們接著讀：

Another, when taking the business field into account, we also advocate the general managers ought to entitle the colleagues or subordinates to be a part in the decision-making, due to a more streamlined implementation of commercial decisions。(這是作者的第二個分論點。大家和第一個比較一下，兩者之間什么關(guān)系?) if a working staff is allowed to participate into the process of corporate decisions, he or she can actively voice opinions towards the issues being debated, which means these personal ideas may be widely heard or even adopted into the final decisions. In this sense, the concerned colleagues in the meeting will thus believe that all the businesses strategies and policies are made involving them. Put it this way, the forthcoming application is free from contrived or deliberate interruptions and even the denial from the “grassroots” in the corporation。(這個寫作過程叫做原因推理：進一步分析為什么在商業(yè)機構(gòu)中員工參與會讓我們的決定貫徹更加順暢) For example, since the fall of 1995, the Lenovo, one of the giant corporations producing electronic devices in the globe, has been permitting all the directly related departments of colleagues to attend the conferences discussing thinkpad X series-designing. You can easily imagine that this brand-new slim design, the business-style with black-colored cover, has been widely welcomed by the workers and assemblers。(列舉具體事例證實前文的原因推理)。

這段話論證的特點在于：作者首先對分論點成立的原因進行分析，之后再列舉真實的案例去證實。這也是大家寫文章一般需要采取的段落構(gòu)架。我這里需要提示一點：很多同學(xué)喜歡按照中國傳統(tǒng)作文的要求，將例子寫成故事，或者是大家所講的“流水賬”�？此谱�?jǐn)?shù)很多，其實往往證明力不足。此外，如果我們只是善于“寫例子”而不是學(xué)會“例證”，那么不僅我們的托福寫作成績不會很理想，出國之后的議論文也成問題。像這段話中，如果我們刪除其中的“原因推理”部分而直接用聯(lián)想集團做為例子去寫“故事”，那么說服力會大大減少。

在教學(xué)當(dāng)中，我聽到過如下的理解：托福寫作只看語言，只要大家句子長、結(jié)構(gòu)復(fù)雜，一定是高分!我真不知道這個觀點是從何談起，也不知道這位仁兄是否真正的閱過卷。托福寫作是有機器閱卷一說，但是這并不意味著評分只看詞匯和句法結(jié)構(gòu)。我們很難想象一個句子長、內(nèi)容重復(fù)且乏味，類似于連篇累牘的文章會讓人讀起來津津有味而給予高分的怪異現(xiàn)象。托福寫作需要大家完成的是一篇結(jié)構(gòu)完整、論證充分的“議論文”，所以我們還是先學(xué)習(xí)論證的結(jié)構(gòu)和何為“論證具有說服力”去著手準(zhǔn)備會更合適。

秋季一定是大家投入考試學(xué)習(xí)的黃金時段。寫作又是任何國外考試所不能回避的一個科目。下次，我會和你們一起談?wù)勍懈�寫作和GRE寫作之間的關(guān)系，比如：GRE寫作一定和托福寫作完全不一樣嗎?按照托福寫作的思路去完成GRE可以嗎?這些問題不說大家真是不知道，甚至是被誤導(dǎo)的。

感謝你們!

祝你們備考順利!

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